A resident reflects: ‘If I had to do it all over again, would I?’
Key Takeaways
Residency marks an intense and transformative phase in every medical student's professional career. It is a time of immense growth, formidable challenges, and profound self-discovery. As I reflected on my journey through residency, I frequently found myself pondering the question: Would I choose the same path again?
After considerable thought, I decided that, if I had to, I would definitely embark on this metamorphic voyage once more.
First days in the ED
My desire to be immersed in an unpredictable environment was not met until I stepped foot into the emergency department (ED). The fluidity of the day channeled me through seeing myriad bread-and-butter cases, performing life-saving procedures, and running codes—it perpetually kept me on my toes. Being exposed to a wide breadth of patient pathology is intellectually stimulating and empowering.
"But more importantly, it is extremely fulfilling to know that I played a role in helping patients navigate a very stressful period in their lives."
— Tina Yang, DO
That’s why, when I matched into one of my top-choice programs, I was ecstatic to start my residency experience.
Residency beginnings
From the start, I knew that residency would present its challenges, but I could not have anticipated the depth of obstacles that awaited me.
Each year of residency has its own unique struggles, from the demanding work hours to the emotional toll they exact. However, it was my intern year that I encountered the most formidable trials.
The path leading to intern year was paved with unexpected detours. After enduring months of unsettling anticipation, confined to my home during the COVID-19 outbreak, the cancellation of in-person rotations worsened my sedentary state of my mind. While our class had valiantly volunteered to commence residency early to assist in the battle against COVID-19, our compassionate program director shielded us from the trauma that unfolded in New York City EDs.
When I finally started residency, the early days of the pandemic had passed, but we were still in the grip of it. I grappled with a sense of helplessness, seeing defeat and resignation etched into the eyes of our senior residents and supervisors. I yearned to alleviate their burden but felt powerless to do so.
In the aftermath of the initial wave of COVID-19, patients avoided seeking care in the ED unless absolutely necessary. This dearth of patients had an adverse impact on my learning, as our residency program thrives on the principle of “learning by doing.” Midway through intern year, the patient volume began to recover, but the sudden influx presented its own set of challenges.
"Overwhelmed by the patient load and the stressors of residency, doubts began to set in, and imposter syndrome cast its insidious shadow over my self-perception."
— Tina Yang, DO
I questioned my abilities as a physician, apprehensive that others would perceive me as incompetent despite my accomplishments and high board scores.
The fear of being exposed as inadequate loomed over me, only to be exacerbated by reprimands for my perceived curt and callous behavior.
Making time for my mental health
To navigate the tumultuous journey of residency, I sought out a therapist who helped me recognize the importance of prioritizing my well-being. I sought refuge in the simple joys of life, taking leisurely walks with my dog, immersing myself in music, and leaning on the unwavering support of my friends and family, who had always been my pillars of strength.
The friendship and shared experiences with my co-residents, who were struggling with similar paths, became an invaluable source of solidarity and encouragement as well.
By the end of my intern year, after self-reflection and proof that I had remained resilient, I emerged with renewed mental fortitude. Gradually, I had shed the burden of self-doubt and began to recognize myself as an efficient and competent doctor, and I was admired for my ability to navigate the complexities of being a female physician with poise.
Throughout the remainder of residency, I committed to focusing on my wellness and cultivating my style of practice. During this time, I better understood that every patient is different, representing a diverse tapestry of cultural, socioeconomic, and educational backgrounds. Knowing this helped strengthen my ability to connect deeply with my patients and tailor their care to their unique needs.
Residency is hard—but so worth it
Working as a resident is often thought of as a thankless job, characterized by demanding hours, low compensation, and the occasional sacrifice of meals, all while diligently balancing the responsibility of delivering exceptional care to patients.
"At times, the weight of these demands made it tempting to quit, rather than using those challenging moments to recognize the impact I made on the lives of patients."
— Tina Yang, DO
Even though it can be scarce, seeing patients' gratitude, witnessing their health improvements, and knowing that I played a crucial role in their journey to their recovery provided a sense of fulfillment that far surpassed the hardships I endured. As well, the camaraderie amongst my fellow co-residents felt truly remarkable. They were like a second family, providing support through difficult times.
The resilience, growth, and invaluable experiences gained through my residency journey ultimately reinforced my dedication to the profession and solidified my belief that the sacrifices were, indeed, worth it.
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